When you reach a difficult crossroads in your relationship, marriage counselling aims to make sure your connection doesn't fall apart. It's often a difficult process for both members of the couple. If you want to make sure your relationship counselling is successful, here's what to focus on:
Determine your own goals, not your partner's
Your marriage counselling sessions will soon leave your partner feeling under pressure if you begin by setting lots of goals for them. Although it's advisable to make your expectations of your relationship clear, refusing to prioritise your own goals above theirs can lead to disappointment. To focus on your own goals, take a step back and question what it is that you want from your relationship. You should then look at how you're working towards this yourself and ways you can make your marital dreams a reality. Try not to worry about whether your partner will make the same amount of effort. Your counsellor has the right skills and techniques for ensuring they will.
Don't see your partner as a sole source of reassurance
Reassurance can act as a healthy cornerstone of any relationship. However, if your marriage counselling sessions reveal that your partner is your only source of comfort, you'll be encouraged to take a step back and look towards yourself for some of this. If your spouse consistently needs to assuage your concerns or prop up your self-esteem, you may place too much pressure on the relationship. Additionally, you're creating a dynamic where they're the adult and you're the child. It may sound like a cliche, but focusing on your self-confidence and independence will make it easier for you to make healthy contributions to your marriage.
Exit the blame game
Your relationship counselling may not yield the best results if you see it as an opportunity to blame your partner for everything that's wrong. Doing this means you're placing yourself in the position of being a perpetual victim, which doesn't feel good for either party. Instead, focus on your own actions within the relationship and any external stressors that are causing strain. Recognising your own faults is a liberating way to regain control of your happiness. Additionally, seeing how external problems such as financial stress and long working hours are acting as argument triggers can help you see each other in a more positive light.
Above all, make sure you enter each marriage counselling session with an open mind. When you find the right counsellor, finding resolutions for your relationship problems becomes easier.